My shoe felt tight, so I took it off and saw that I had two layers of insoles.
My shoe felt tight, so I took it off and saw that I had two layers of insoles.
I used the toilet, and right before I flushed, I noticed a drowned spider in the bowl. I hope that happened before I went to the bathroom, because I don’t know what I’d do if I had ass spiders.
Yesterday I pooped and it came out like a question mark, like it was asking “What did you eat?
| Katchina: | I wonder if people are going to riot tomorrow for May Day. |
|---|---|
| Me: | May Day is in May. |
| Katchina: | May, March. They both start with the same letter. |
| *Tracey drives by* | |
| Katchina: | Oh my God is that Katelyn? |
| Me: | No, that's Tracey. |
| Katchina: | Goddamnit! |
| Me: | It's ok. It's all the same. |
I’m out getting pizza, and this douchebag brushed by me without saying sorry, so I followed him back to his table, looked him in the eye, farted, and then walked away.
| Nicole: | I'm in the E.R. I hope the Free Care service backpays for this shit. |
|---|---|
| Lindsay: | You could have a "I'm off my meds fuckers" freak out on them. |
| Nicole: | Start peeing in the water fountain and eating the pamphlets. |
| Lindsay: | Or peeing on the pamphlets and eating the water fountain. |
I have my keffiyeh, my lesbian reading glasses, and my Sierra Nevada autumn ale called Tumbler. Am I cool yet?
That is the best thong I’ve ever heard.
When I quit Knott’s, I walked through the midway in costume swearing at the top of my lungs. My friend was like “Oh my god. Stop. You can’t do that,” and I was all, “What, are they going to fucking fire me? I don’t think so.
Fred and Yaeko have me an opal necklace, then Yaeko said “a thousand thank yous” and then they both did the super deep bow. All the creys.
